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Take
My Legs. Please
By
Rosalie McClung
(It's
true I have a wickedly morbid, twisted sense of humor. You may find
it offensive, but sometimes it's the only thing between me and
hell)
What’s the best way to kill
yourself? Let’s see. There’s strangulation. I could hang
myself
with an old pair of pantyhose from the tree in the frontyard. But
that’s a bit too public. Everybody driving by could see me
wrangle
and rot. And then any loose dog might be tempted to nibble my
carcass.
Forcing me to suffer through eighties country music
might do the trick. That twang serves up a deadly chord. Gagging over
a swallow of caviar might offer a terminal end. Or I could take a
massive dose of pills. The only pills I have are vitamins, though.
Can you die from an overdose of vitamin C? I have knives to slit my
wrists. Nice ones. Good and sharp. But that would add to the extreme
pain I’m experiencing already. I think there's some poison in the
garage. Ant Killer? Laundry detergent? Toilet Cleaner? I can collapse
in the grocery store meat locker and fall into sleepy silence. Maybe
you should bring your gun and finish me off quickly.
50
percent of MS patients deal with chronic pain. Nerves short circuit
and make life miserable. I'm in agony. My legs hurt so badly, I
sometimes think about ending it all.
You wouldn't miss me
really. My sarcasm and stubbornness make me difficult
to live
with, anyway. Just ask my husband. As I said in my last book, I'm an
ass. A fine one. One you want to lick chocolate syrup from, but I can
be moody and unreasonable. I like the house clean and I don’t
respond well to stupidity.
Heck, just throw me in a soundproof
room and let me scream my bloody guts out. Maybe that'll get it out
of my system.
Rosalie
has always been a stubborn ass. A strong-willed learner and achiever,
she graduated from U.C. Davis with a degree in Comparative World
Literature, followed by a teaching credential at San Diego State
University. There she earned the Harcourt Brace Jovanovich Teaching
Award. She taught Humanities and Literature in California’s
public
schools for ten years and Short Story Writing for U.C. Davis’
Experimental College. While teaching, she published poetry and short
stories in college publications and small periodicals. Rosalie now
continues to publish poetry, short stories, and essays in various
magazines and journals, and although Multiple Sclerosis slowed her
down a bit, it ultimately has allowed her to develop in new ways. She
now wishes to share her growth and knowledge to help others find
their inner mule and kick some ass of their own.
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