2007 - Vol. 4, Issue 4

(Lights up. A living room. MAE is sitting on a couch leaning close to the left side of it. ZIGGY is sitting in a chair to the left of the couch, writing in a notebook. In an occasional chair, positioned near the right side of the couch, sits SARA, MAE and ZIGGY THORNTON'S daughter. They are waiting for dinner to finish cooking.)

SARA

It's been a long time.  .  .  .  It's all just like I remembered though.  .  .  .  Any news? Because, (Pause) I have some.

ZIGGY and MAE together

No.

ZIGGY

(All of a sudden ZIGGY stands up, does a little jig, and sings loudly, with great feeling) I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! There they are, all standing in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your  .  .  .  your  .  .  .

MAE

Come on.  .  .  .  Do it again. "Your"  .  .  .

ZIGGY

Some as big as your  .  .  .

(Stops suddenly. Saying to himself)

And I thought I had it.

(To MAE)

Maybe later? Maybe, next time?

MAE

Maybe.

ZIGGY

Maybe  .  .  .  you'll help?

MAE

Maybe

SARA

Just like I said, it's all just as I remembered. When is dinner going to be ready? There's something I'd like to talk about.

MAE

(Sniffs the air)

Oh, I'd say another ten minutes or so.

SARA

How long has it been cooking?

MAE

About eight hours.

SARA

Eight hours.  .  .  .  What are you cooking?

ZIGGY

I'll tell you what she's making. It's a hodgepodge. She's using that crock pot of hers. Temptation in a pot. That's what it is. Temptation in a pot. Temptation in a pot.

MAE

Ziggy, you're fixating. You know that's not good for you.

ZIGGY

Are you going to tell me how big those coconuts are?

MAE

No.

ZIGGY

Then the crock pot story goes on.  .  .  .

SARA

I don't care to hear it, Daddy. I want to discuss something important with you.

ZIGGY

No, I insist. I want you to know how your Mother's been torturing me over the years. She spends endless amounts of time. Slicing and dicing the vegetables and the meat  .  .  .  slowly stirring it all together, and finally  .  .  .  once she's added the perfect combination of spices — poof! The lid goes on, and you don't see any of it for the entire day. And then, and then, even though the recipe clearly states that it should be finished in eight hours, she leaves it on longer and won't turn the damn thing off until it smells like it's done. How, could it not be done? She drags it out just to torture me. It's enough to drive  .  .  .  drive me  .  .  .

MAE

.  .  .  mad?

ZIGGY

Exactly.

SARA

Daddy? Um, Mother?

(MAE pays HER no attention)

I said, "Mother?"

(MAE looks abruptly up)

Now that we're on the subject.  .  .  .

MAE

We're not on any subject. I distinctly remember your father ending it with "exactly."

SARA

I don't want to end the subject with "exactly," I want to continue the subject with "mad."

MAE

Oh, mad's not a subject. It's an adjective. Well, I think it's an adjective. Oh, you should know. You're a teacher. Could be? Could be you're not a very good one? It still amazes me that you've actually made something of yourself. You never were one to finish anything. To think  .  .  .  you're a teacher. Are you any good?

ZIGGY

Ah! So, that's why you've come home. They've found you out and you've had to leave in shame. Well, of course you can stay here, but not for  .  .  .  not for too  .  .  .  too  .  .  .

MAE

.  .  .  long?

ZIGGY

Exactly. And there's no reason to be mad about it. You'll get over it.

SARA

No, Daddy. I don't think I will. not for a long time. You see, I suffered a  .  .  .  breakdown. An emotional breakdown. There, I've said it.

MAE

Maybe you should get a second opinion. Things like that don't happen in this family.

ZIGGY

Was it something like out of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? Did you run into any rats? I mean Nurse Rat.  .  .  .  I mean  .  .  .

MAE

Ratched, Ziggy, Nurse Ratched.

ZIGGY

Ah, yes. Nurse Ratched. I wouldn't want her to be my nurse. Did you run into any Nurse Ratched types?

SARA

No, Daddy. It was a brief hospitalization, and everyone was very compassionate and professional. I'm still on leave from school. That's why I'm here. I needed to get away from what was making me so sick. I thought that I would come home. I was hoping to receive a little love and understanding.

ZIGGY

(ZIGGY jumps up, full of anticipation and enthusiasm)

Mae, listen. Just listen. I've got it.

(HE begins to sing.)

Here they are all standing in a row, big ones small ones, some as big as your  .  .  .  Fist! Yes, that's it. Fist!

MAE

No, Ziggy. (Sighs) That's not right.

ZIGGY

What is right then? I hate when I get something into my head that I can't figure out.

(Softly sings, almost to HIMSELF)

.  .  .  Big ones, small ones.  .  .  .

(To MAE)

If they were my coconuts, I would know how large they were.

MAE

They aren't your coconuts, Zig.

ZIGGY

(Suddenly becomes nasty)

Yes, they are. My song, my coconuts.  .  .  .

SARA

Didn't anyone hear me? I said I came home looking for some love and support.

MAE

Sara, must you talk about this? You're ruining a perfectly nice evening.

SARA

Don't pretend that this hasn't happened to me. I'm ashamed enough as it is. Although, they told me at the hospital that it's not as if I could have helped it.

ZIGGY

Mae, you're torturing me again. Why can't you just tell me how big they are?

MAE

You need to figure out how large they are yourself.

SARA

Daddy. Listen to me. I want to know how you feel about me having had a breakdown. I need for you to understand.

ZIGGY

You had a breakdown? Ah, yes. I remember. Your nurse was Nurse Ratched. So, Sara, what finally pushed you over the edge?

SARA

For one thing, it was Jeff leaving me. But, mostly my work. I questioned everything I taught to my students. I could never make them understand the simplest of concepts. Their constant questions haunted my dreams. I was so frustrated. I would look into their eyes and see nothing, absolutely nothing. They sat in my class like hungry animals, just salivating for a piece of meat. Mine, me, and I had nothing to give them. There never seemed to be enough time to teach them anything. There was always so much to do. I felt like I was running, always running, running out of time.  .  .  .  (Impatiently) Mother  .  .  .  ?

(MAE doesn't respond. With increasing impatience)

Mother  .  .  .  for the love of God, how much longer do we have to wait for dinner?

MAE

(SHE sniffs the air)

Almost done. A little while longer.

ZIGGY

There she goes again, torturing me. Mae, it must be done.

SARA

I've also been hallucinating. I keep seeing men in black robes walking all around me.

MAE

Maybe you didn't have a breakdown. Maybe you're psychic.

SARA

You would actually have me be psychic, rather than admit than that anyone associated with the great Dean of Mathematics at Elmonth University, especially his daughter, had a breakdown?

ZIGGY

Oh, I think it would be wonderful to have a few extra people running around the house. Why don't you say something to them? Ask them their names. Introduce yourself.

SARA

In a way, I do. The doctor says I need to confront them. I also hear voices.

MAE

(To SARA)

Perfect. Just what he needs to hear.

ZIGGY

Voices! Tremendous! Is it anyone I know?

SARA

No, Daddy. I mean, at first I thought I heard Grandmother Dottie . . . (Pause) But, then when she spoke so nicely to me, I knew that it wasn't her.

ZIGGY

You be sure that if it's anyone I know, that you send  .  .  .  send my.  .  .

SARA

.  .  .  regards?

ZIGGY

No.  .  .  .  Let your Mother try.

MAE

.  .  .  best wishes?

ZIGGY

Exactly.

SARA

It seems my doctor was right about a few things. He said that my family really didn't need me. Apparently Daddy, you need Mother. You rely on her, even to finish your sentences.

MAE

Your insecurity is showing, Sara. Don't make your father feel that he has to choose. A husband and wife should come first, and then the child. This is the way it's always going to be. Don't inflate your importance. And don't think you can come home after all of these years, asking for something that you just can't have.

SARA

There are ways to give to a child and a wife. One doesn't have to be dismissed to satisfy the other's needs.

MAE

It's not a matter of dismissal. It's just that circumstances change priorities. And new priorities dictate as to what is truly important. It all about circumstances Sara.

ZIGGY

(Suddenly coming to life)

That's my Mae. Always helping. Always explaining. Sara, I don't see you helping anybody. You're more concerned about this breakdown of yours.

SARA

It's true, I need you. But, you're getting older.  .  .  .  You're bound to start needing me soon, too.

ZIGGY

(Excitedly)

Mae, This is it! I think I've got it. I really think I do.

Big ones, small ones, some as big as your.  .  .  .  Toe. That's it! Toe!

SARA

(Speaking to him with frustration and contempt, as if he were an ignorant student.)

Daddy! No, no, no. Incorrect. Wrong. Wrong! How can a coconut be as big as a toe?

ZIGGY

Don't talk to me like that, girl. I'm your Father. This is a song. Lots of lyrics to songs don't make sense. After all, there's no such thing as a paper moon sailing over a cardboard sea, right, Mae?

MAE

That's right.

ZIGGY

Sara, I forget what it's like with you around. You think you know everything.

SARA

I never said I do, Daddy. You're just so dependent on Mother that you won't listen to anyone else.

MAE

That's enough, Sara.

ZIGGY

Well, I can't depend on you. Haven't I been asking how large my coconuts are all evening? And have you helped me at all? No, you haven't.

SARA

That's not fair. I don't know the song, Daddy. And besides, Mother does, and she is deliberately not telling you the words. What does that make her? I say she's cruel.

ZIGGY

(Becoming agitated and angry)

Why, you spiteful girl. I don't know who you are anymore. Calling Mae cruel . . . just who are you?

SARA

She is cruel. All you've asked for is one word, one word. Is this her way of torturing you again? To make you think of it on your own?

ZIGGY

(Almost desperate, pleading)

I say she's helpful. I say she's not cruel. She'll tell me later.  .  .  .  And I'll write it in my book. I'll take it to the center and show everyone. She's just doing what they told her to do. She explains things to me. Tells me where things are. When I get lost, she finds me and bring me home. She takes care of me. Now, I won't have anymore of this. You leave my wife alone. I want you to.  .  .  .  (Highly frustrated) To  .  .  .  to  .  .  .

MAE

(Gently)

.  .  .  listen. Yes, it's all right, Ziggy. She's listening to you.

SARA

(Looks at MAE accusingly)

Why wasn't I notified? You're his nurse. I trusted you to tell me before he got to this stage.

ZIGGY

Young lady? I think you should go.

SARA

Leave?  .  .  .

MAE

Yes. I think it would be good for Professor Thornton.

SARA

Why couldn't you have given me more time with him? I know I was away too long  .  .  .  but— (Panicked) Can't you see? He's asking me to leave, and we never had the chance to tell each other goodbye.

MAE

He didn't want you to know. He wanted you to remember him as the great Professor Sigmund Thornton. Not the man who couldn't remember the words to the coconut song.

SARA

(To ZIGGY)

Daddy?

(ZIGGY doesn't respond)

Professor Thornton?

(ZIGGY looks at HER)

I'll be leaving now.

ZIGGY

Well, it's about time. I don't mean to be rude, but we're expecting our daughter for dinner. I would appreciate if you would leave now before she gets here.

SARA

Of course. I'm sorry I disturbed you this evening.  .  .  .

(Turns to go, then turns back.)

Professor Thornton?

(ZIGGY turns away from HER and begins to hum coconut song. HE is oblivious to HER. SHE takes one last look at ZIGGY)

Goodbye.

(SARA exits, silence.)

ZIGGY

(At the sound of the door closing, Ziggy becomes aware of HIS surroundings and focuses on MAE.)

Mae? What do you say? Now?

MAE

(Patiently, as though speaking to a child)

All right, Ziggy. Now.

ZIGGY

(With great expectancy and exhilaration, HE sings)

There they are all standing in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your  .  .  .

MAE

(Slight hesitation)

.  .  .  head.

ZIGGY

(Lets out a gleeful sound, hands outstretched.)

"Head!" What a relief! The song says my coconuts are the size of a head. Thank you, thank you, Mae. And you've known all along?

MAE

How could I not? A wife knows these things. After all, I am your wife, (Pause) aren't I?

(ZIGGY looks at MAE blankly, then looks off into the distance, and just stares.  .  .  .

(BLACKOUT)