2006 - Vol. 3, Issue 8

"Never be late," was knocked into me.

Fifteen minutes I sat there
waiting for the Careers Officer
where posters of young farmers
with calves scarfed around their necks
walked towards me

My perspective on death and dying, including topics such as euthanasia for pets* and "assisted suicide" for people, has been informed by my own feelings and experiences as a chronically ill person. The recent death of my former service dog, Jersey, has crystallized my outlook.

I subscribe to the disability rights perspective and believe that disabled people and their families deserve the money, services, and other assistance required to lead independent, quality lives. Further, I reject the widely held belief that those who are ill or disabled automatically want to die. Many people who don't know me assume I am miserable when they hear about my life — my multiple diagnoses, my chronic pain and illness, my isolation — they think it sounds horrible. Yet I am happy. I have a meaningful and satisfying life, not least because I have everything I need: personal assistance, medical and adaptive equipment, a safe and accessible home, friends and family who understand and accommodate my disability, a service dog, and enough money to cover all my needs. I find joy in my relationships, my partnership with my service dog, the natural beauty that surrounds my country home, and my writing. In fact, the only time I have felt suicidal in the eleven years since I became ill was when I was experiencing daily excruciating pain from migraines, and I could not get adequate pain relief. Once I did get sufficient pain medication, my desperation dissipated.

Tricia: How did you first get involved with Breath & Shadow?

Dorothy: I've known Sharon for years through mutual work with an environmental health organization and took an online writing class with her. When Breath & Shadow got started and Sharon asked for volunteers, it seemed like a good learning opportunity.

Tricia: What is it that you had hoped to learn, and what has that process been like?

Dorothy: I wanted to learn more about others' writing processes, more about what makes "good" writing. In the process, I've learned that, with support, writing can often evolve and transform into something completely unexpected. Giving that support to others has helped me to do the same for myself.

The cat,
my mannered but ungrateful guest,
reclines upon my counterpane
and idly assesses me
while I undress for bed.

I feel
that I must be in his regard
a woefully deficient cat —
ungraceful as I struggle from
my clothes and wanly bald.

I don't know the snake,
but I know me;
how every cell along my length
pops and burns, and I scrape
between rocks to slither
free of my dead shape,
slick–vivid and whip–dangerous.