2004 - Vol. 1, Issue 3

Recently I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a new condition: blepharitis. Because I studied Latin in high school I immediately understood the problem; I have an inflammation ("itis") of my blephar ("blephar"). How embarrassing.

Still, I feel it's important for me to "come out" about what I am facing to lessen the shame, silence, and stigma that surrounds this disease. Actually, when my eye doctor told me I had blepharitis I had no idea what she was talking about. Thank goodness she provided me with an information sheet on blepharitis from the American Optometric Association. It states, "Blepharitis is a chronic or long term inflammation of the eyelids and eyelashes. . . . Among the most common causes of blepharitis are:

• poor eyelid hygiene

• excess oil produced by the glands in the eyelids

• a bacterial infection

• an allergic reaction

Did you catch that first one? "Poor eyelid hygiene?" What on God's green earth, I wondered, was "poor eyelid hygiene"? Or, more to the point, what constitutes good eyelid hygiene? Thankfully, the information sheet covers this area thoroughly: "Good eyelid hygiene . . . may control blepharitis. This . . . can include:

• frequent scalp and face washing

• warm soaks of the eyelids

• eyelid scrubs

There is even a diagram to back this up. It shows the side view of an eye and above the eyeball is something resembling a snarling dog with the number "1" and an arrow pointing to it. Coming out of the dog's nose is what appears to be a large, upwardly curving horn. But, of course, we know that this is not a snarling dog. Dog's don't have horns. It must be a skinny rhinoceros with a head cold. Or perhaps a unicorn with a nasty set of teeth. (See the end of this article for a link to the diagram!)

At any rate, the paper goes on to provide detailed instructions for eyelid hygiene. This involves two parts: warm soaks of the eyelids and eyelid scrubs. To conduct "A Warm Soak of the Eyelids, (1) wash your hands thoroughly. (2) Moisten a clean washcloth with warm water. (3) Close eyes and place washcloth on eyelids for about five minutes. (4) Repeat several times daily."

Several times daily? I'm supposed to stop what I'm doing, repeatedly, throughout the day, to devote ten or more minutes (each time) to soaking my eyelids?

Frankly, I don't think the person at Ye Olde Optometricke Asfociashun who wrote these instructions actually "field tested" them because, according to my research, which involved following the AOA's directions, the washcloth only stayed warm for one minute and twenty-three seconds. By five minutes in, I had been performing "a cold, clammy soak of the eyelids" for three minutes and thirty-seven seconds.

The other major aspect of good eyelid hygiene, as you recall if you have been paying attention (and the American Optometric Association and I certainly hope you have!) is "an eyelid scrub." The directions say: "(1) Wash your hands thoroughly. (2) Mix warm water and a small amount of shampoo that doesn't irritate the eye.* (3) Close one eye and using a clean washcloth (a different one for each eye) rub the shampoo mixture back and forth across the eyelashes and the edge of the eyelid. (4) Rinse with clear, cool water. (5) Repeat on the other eye."

Before I go any further, let me stress that all these treatment rituals are aimed at ameliorating a condition that was so dangerous and distressing that I never even noticed anything was wrong with my eyelids.

OK, the asterisk (*) leads to the note, "There are also commercially prepared lid scrub solutions that your doctor of optometry may recommend." Indeed, in going over the information sheet with me, my eye doctor's assistant tried to sell me a bottle of eyelash shampoo. I declined on the basis of my chemical sensitivities, but I did notice as I was leaving the office that there was a display of several bottles of this "lid scrub solution" at the checkout counter. This suggests that they really sell a lot of this stuff. It makes one wonder: How many people out there now own bottles of eyelash shampoo? Will there soon be eyelash creme rinse as well? What about solutions for other eyelash needs, such as eyelash detangler? Or a shampoo for dry, flyaway eyelashes? And how is it that the eyebrows are being neglected? Shouldn't I be taking care to shampoo, condition, and comb my brows as well, lest I develop "coronociliaitis"? Do I need a teeny brow blow dryer and spraycan of eyebrow mousse? Of course, now I'm being ridiculous. I could never use a commercially prepared brow mousse — I have chemical sensitivities! It's just one more product for which I'll have to find a nontoxic, fragrance-free alternative. Will the oppression of the chemically injured never end?

But seriously, back to the no-nonsense business of the eyelid scrub. Did you notice that I am required to use a different clean washcloth for each eye? And that I'm supposed to perform this scrub at least once a day? And don't forget that I'm also supposed to use a clean washcloth for the eyelid soak, which I'm to repeat several times a day. Even if I only do one eyelid scrub per day and then an eyelid soak once in the morning and once at night (which seems like the bare minimum the American Optometric Association would let me get away with), that's six washcloths I've used in one day. I only own two! My PCA does my laundry twice a week. In other words, in order to conduct the bare minimum of eyelid hygiene, I'd need to own at least twenty-four washcloths. Is there anyone, aside from Donald Trump, who owns twenty-four washcloths? Well, come to think of it, Kyan Douglas, from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, probably owns sixteen washcloths. He seems like the kind of person who would be eager to devote a lot of time and energy to eyelid hygiene. He probably has been using eyelash detangler and brow spray-gel for years.

Ah, well. For the time being I am muddling along by reusing the same washcloth over and over. (Shhh.) I figure, how much dirt can I possibly accrue on my eyelids? After all, it's not like I have some sort of eyelid STD. Or at least, if I do, it hasn't been diagnosed yet.

To view the snarling skinny rhinocerous, use the following link: http://www.aoanet.org/eweb/?webkey=66969aee-df52-447d-a8fb-6c92883f2840