I start a stir fry for dinner
Cup, kettle, basmati, I walk to the sink
As I try to measure, my mind will not share
Preparations, proportions, ratio forgotten One to two? Three to one? One to four?
I slide to the floor, feeling useless
Holding hope that the number will show itself soon
Glen finds me sobbing, still clutching the kettle. I choke out, "I can't cook anymore" He soothes, "One to two, I'll make it you rest"
As he helps me up, I hand him the pan
Waking out of a seizure, I slide tongue along teeth.
Feeling space, I get up and move to the mirror
Trying to see where I've broken a tooth I stare at myself in frustration
Unable to retrieve if this gap is new
I walk back to bed, hoping Glen will stir memories
Hugging, he whispers, "Don't worry
When you were seven, you had the tooth pulled. The dentist sure it would make room for others"
Finally calm, I fall fast asleep
Making granola bars, I blend ingredients.
I stir adding flour, applesauce and oats.
When I reach for brown sugar it's missing
I trace steps and search. It is not in the cabinet, or in the cupboard
Yanking open the door of the preheated oven, I'm relieved it's not melted in there
Knowing my habit of misplacing things, a friend on the phone suggests checking the fridge.
On the shelf I see sugar, simply waiting for me. I laugh and hang up, crack the eggs and continue
Images are indelible
I wait, knowing thoughts must remain in my mind
Reflections may move me from moment to moment
I search, stirring shadows, seeking answers of time
Feeling foolish, I scavenge from others.
As I stir their memories, they become one of mine
Previously published in Quill and Parchment
Kathleen was a woman with epilepsy who had brain surgery to try and calm her brain. She started writing about her experiences. New seizure areas kept coming. She lost the ability to speak and learned sign language. New seizure areas caused a loss of words and meanings, so she turned to photography to express herself. More seizures came, and her brain forgot to communicate with her right leg. She turned to making jewelry. Thankfully, there is art in everything.