"Heart Pounds Me Away"

Written By

 L.J. Knight

Footsteps—behind me

The click of locks that—pierce

Something thumps against the counter and I—jump

Bottles shake and their contents clatter and—stab

Chills on my neck

Hairs standing up on end

Laughter but it sounds like

screams

I

can’t

move

And there’s no net to catch me when I

fall

when

Heart pounds

Chest tight

Breaths short

Hands shake

Shoulders tense

Legs crossed

Arms close

Head down

Jaw clenched

And whispers in my head

A desperate attempt

To get back what I lost

breathe—breathe—breathe—

Can’t

Breathe

Getting worse—and worse—and worse—and

Someone approaches

Someone says a word

And I am snapped

out

of

this

Breath evens

Chest loosens

Hands settle

Teeth unclench

But only

for a moment

Only

for a second

Only

for a breath

And then I am falling

all over

again

As my heart

pounds me away

L. J.  Knight, just one of many names we go by, is a writer and poet of the vivid dark and painful. Growing up with selective mutism, depression, and PTSD, she’s no stranger to suffering or hardship, using poetry to cope and express the feelings she’s had to stuff deep inside. A lover a plants and animals, L.J. is studying wildlife science while working on finishing her first fantasy-mystery novel and a poetry book about her experiences with mental illness. She devours books like candy and knits until her fingers hurt and tries to learn seven different hobbies at once. She also lives with dissociative identity disorder and her 60+ alternate identities help her manage her past, her disabilities, and aid her as she wars for dreams that seem far out of her reach.