C. R. Reardon
Go ahead, show off your lexicon
With words like “lexicon”. Tell her
How King Kong ain’t got shit on you; that will
Make her weepy, all touchy-feely. Take her
To your room, go boom boom or do what you do,
And say tutaloo. Because you can tell by
The hope in her voice when she says ‘miracle’
Life with her would lead to another circle.
This broad thinks she knows about God,
But when it comes to gimps
She don’t know para-‘s from quads.
She just came from Express, Versace, Nine West,
Failed the credit test, went to J. Crew
To buy you an outfit
So she can take you out in public.
You her doll, you her doll, you fool,
Like the one she dressed when in grammar school.
But you on wheels, she in heels.
If you have a say, vote sexy lingerie!
Though, when you outside the changing room,
Waitin’ for your girl
They gonna’ stare at you, gimp,
Like you a Law and Order perv, so when
She struts back out
Flip them the bird. Damn,
She’s sexy when dressed professional,
But be careful,
She gonna’ buy you a book on how to be normal.
You bests make your move, she’s too timid to move on you.
And remember, no father advises his daughter,
“Go with the gimp, he’ll be a good provider.”
This text is sexist, yes, I won’t deny,
But I know this girl who told me never to lie.
C.R. Reardon had two poems published in the June, 2012 issue of Folly Magazine, and, in 2011, he self-published his creative Master’s thesis, 4wheelin’. In 2010, C.R. Reardon self-published a memoir titled, Spawning Gray that chronicles his struggles with a brain tumor that he was diagnosed with at the age of eight. In 2009, he graduated from Stonehill College with a B.A. in English and was selected to represent Stonehill College at the 2009 Greater Boston Intercollegiate Poetry Festival. C.R. received his M.A. in English from Salem State University, where he contributed to the graduate conference, and currently works in the Sports Information Office.